Stock up on alcohol.

I’m kidding…kinda.

Thanksgiving was different this year. Instead of joining my husband’s extended family like they are accustomed to every year, we cooked our meal at home and celebrated with each other.

This was ultimately my idea, but I’m grateful my husband is understanding and supportive.

You see, there are 10.5 of us when everyone is home (our grandson is almost three months old and represents the 0.5). With COVID impacting our day-to-day lives, bringing 10 people to a party who work and go to school in three different cities and live in a combined four households, that’s a disaster waiting to happen.

In June of 2020, my party of two turned to a party of 10 when I married my husband. I went from “single and full of rest” to “blended and stressed”, I mean “blessed” (HA!*) over a short period of time. My daughter and I are both still adjusting to this 360 degree life change.

A lot of people across America are celebrating Thanksgiving the way we did today. I hope and pray that this way is only temporary and not part of the “new normal” we are told to get used to.

How are we to survive the holidays this season when we can’t spend time to the people we love?

Maybe it’s because of COVID. Maybe it’s because a family member is deployed.

The below content, with some personal notes from me, Bubba, is from my friend and professional colleague, Carolyn Paris. I met Carolyn about a year ago through Women’s Network. She’s been such a blessing both personally and professionally. This week, she shared some tips for “how to survive the holiday season” and said we could share with family and friends. I hope they help you get through the rest of this crazy year.

Navigating the Holidays

“Most people place a great deal of significance and meaning on the holidays.  Others try to ignore them completely. Please take a moment to read about and then pay attention to some of the challenges and opportunities of the holidays.  In spite of old family dynamics, it is an opportunity for love and relationship with our friends, families and communities.” — Carolyn

FOOD

Food can be used to stuff our unspoken thoughts or feelings.  Notice when you find yourself standing next to the bowl inhaling those chewy chocolate candies. What are you eating for: to fill that whole of feeling unloved?  Perhaps your dreading that hot topic with Uncle Fred. Maybe it’s because your feeling lonely or bored. Eat when you are hungry stop when you are full. It’s difficult to break a pattern after it’s begun. Give yourself the gift of moderation and awareness.

TIME

It’s been said, time is experienced as either too much (loneliness, despair, boredom, lack of love) or not enough (busy, overwhelmed, harried, nervous, stress for yourself or those around you). This time of year it is paramount that we give ourselves time. So often, we arrive at a gathering and we are already tired.

Making space for yourself to simply sit or lay down, resting for 10 minutes can make such a difference.  Don’t give in to the myth that this it is being selfish.  Notice when you find yourself starting to feel the irritation or overwhelm. That may be a signal to give yourself some space.  Take a walk, hang out in the bathroom a little longer than normal. Give yourself permission to say no. Let others know if you need to change a commitment. And the biggie, ask for help!

FAMILY

Some of us are looking forward to being with family, and others not so much.  It’s amazing how quickly family can trigger feelings and reactions like no other. It’s common that our defensive patterns and control shows up. When you notice beginning to feel triggered, change the conversation, take that walk. Giving yourself permission. Monitoring how much time you spend with family is a wonderful gift. If you need to stay in a hotel, do that.

As a stepmom, I have put way too much pressure on myself to stepmom a certain way, and frankly, it’s exhausting. I have focused so much on trying to be the best stepmom and wife that I forgot the most important thing – ME – and I’m exhausted. Going from one life to another happened so fast, I forgot to remember to take time for me. I’m getting better, and my husband is so encouraging and supportive. I’ve also given myself some grace and permission to do things for me. It doesn’t make me a bad person, this makes me smart.

EXPECTATIONS

Expecting the “Hollywood Holiday” can set us up for disappointment (I’m picturing Clark W. Griswold losing his $hit on Christmas Eve – that might be me). Approaching the holidays with reasonable expectation can help.  Being aware that the holiday’s themselves come with a great deal of pressure and stress. Lower the expectation on yourself and others (Go buy Gary John Bishop’s book about getting out of your head and into you life). Things and people don’t have to be perfect. Communicate your expectations and ask others what theirs are. Check in to ensure that these are being met. If they are not, you may not be able to adjust to meet them but at least you know what you are dealing with. It gives everyone something to keep an eye on next year.

  CONNECTION, JOY, CELEBRATION

The intention of this season is on connection, joy and celebration. If that is not the case for you, begin making powerful choices in that direction. Rather than going along to get along. Be an adult, make decision that get you closer to a satisfying holiday.  Take responsibility, keeping an eye out on being a victim to the situation. Remember option A, take a walk. Accept the responsibility of creating a connected, joyful, celebration.

From the Desk of Bubba

In all seriousness, I know how difficult the holidays can be for people, with out without a pandemic. I am wishing and praying that each of you have a blessed rest of the year. If you ever need anything, let me know.

Happy Holidays!

Bubba & Co.

*I joke about the craziness of being in this big, blended family and how stressful it can be at times. Please know that I do focus on the blessings that it brings, too! But seriously…it’s stressful. #momtruth