Today would have been our fifth wedding anniversary. And this morning, I went back to the church where we said our vows.

It wasn’t planned. I just felt a pull—maybe for more closure, maybe for comfort, maybe just to remember how happy I felt on that day and the family we were creating. Maybe for you to read this so you know you’re not alone if you’ve experienced something similar.

I sat there in the quiet and in the dark as I listened to the rain pouring down outside, in the same space where we once stood, full of hope and belief in forever. The same space where we sat together as a family. The same space where we would attend counseling together.

We’ve been divorced for two and a half years now. The life we built divided, sorted, signed, and stored away. Most days, I feel at peace with that. It was the right decision for everyone involved. And still… today stings.

Grief doesn’t always come with warning signs. Sometimes it sneaks up on you, not in the chaos of a breakup, but in the stillness of an empty pew. In the soft light of stained glass windows that once felt sacred. In the memory of promises made with good intentions, even if they couldn’t be kept.

I didn’t go to mourn the marriage. I went to acknowledge what once was. To honor the version of myself who stood there, dreaming of a future that never came. I grieve her sometimes. Not because she was wrong—but because she didn’t yet know how the story would shift.

And that’s okay.

There’s beauty in that kind of grief—in loving what was, even when it couldn’t last. There’s strength in going back, in facing the ghosts, in feeling it all and still choosing to move forward.

So today, I let the tears come. I let the silence speak. I let myself remember. And then, I got up, walked out, and kept going.

Here’s to healing that loops and curves and doubles back before it moves forward again. Here’s to letting things hurt, even when you’ve already let them go. And here’s to today—not as an anniversary, but as a milestone. A marker of how far I’ve come.

Do you need to feel something? It’s OK to feel and process whatever you need to. To show yourself how far you’ve come.