Married friends often ask me, “what’s it like to date these days?”

My usual responses include “it’s a dumpster fire,” “an absolute $hitshow” or “another narcissist who thinks he’s God’s gift to women.”

I am grateful that I don’t have to navigate the dating waters alone, as I have a handful of single friends (and married ones that I keep entertained with my stories), and an amazing counselor, that I can go to when I need to vent, share horror stories, etc.

Just the other day, one of my close friends shared a recent dating situation with me that I too have experienced over the years.

Girl meets boy.

Boy charms girl.

Girl gets excited about boy.

Boy reveals more about himself.

Girl sees red flags.

Girl learns boy isn’t in any position to be pursuing girl.

Boy says “I’ve never felt like this with anyone before. There’s something different about you.”

Girl says, “Yes, I know I’m amazing,” but recognizes boy is just that — a boy, who needs to get his life figured out and stop wasting her time.

Girl ends things with boy.

It’s a common occurrence these days. Some of my friends, and myself included at times over the years, have become a target or treated as a “safe space” for a man who is emotionally unavailable, going through a rough patch in life, already taken, or just not ready to step up.

She asked me, “why do these men pursue me? Do I have a target on my back?”

My response to these friends is simple:

“Because you’re a good person, you listen, you nurture, you make them feel seen and heard. And while that’s a beautiful quality to have—it also drains you and leaves you feeling empty-handed, time and time again. But also—and this is going to be a hard one to hear—because you let them.”

Just last week, Taylor Swift reminded us that energy is a luxury not everyone can afford. Not everyone deserves your energy. And she’s right—your emotional, mental, and physical energy are not things to hand out carelessly. Save them for the people and the love that pour back into you.

So, single ladies, here’s your reminder, in case you forgot:

🚫 You are not a therapist for men who won’t do the work.
🚫 You are not a placeholder until they “figure it out.”
🚫 You are not the soft landing spot for someone who can’t be fully present.

🚫 No more carrying the emotional weight that isn’t ours.
🚫 No more entertaining half-love.
🚫 No more lowering boundaries for breadcrumbs.

You are worthy of real, available, steady love.

The next time an unavailable man tries to make you his safe space, remember this—your peace is precious. Protect it. Enforce those boundaries.

Brené Brown says:

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”

Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re protection. Set them early, honor them often, and watch how peace follows.

My relationship with God has been the anchor in my own personal transformation in the dating world. Through Him, I’ve found strength, clarity, and the courage to enforce the boundaries I once struggled to hold. He reminds me that my worth is not negotiable, and my peace is not up for trade.

Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

And to the men we’ve allowed into our space without holding those boundaries—it’s ok to offer up an apology. It’s ok to tell them that we should have loved ourselves enough to protect our energy, and in failing to do so, we failed them, too.

Love. Give. Live.

Photo by Marc A. Sporys on Unsplash