There was a time when pregnancy announcements were simple. Someone gets pregnant. They tell people. They post the ultrasound picture. Then comes the growing belly, the gender reveal, the baby shower, the hospital pictures, the newborn photos, and eventually, approximately 47,000 pictures of that sweet baby doing absolutely nothing.

But lately, I’ve been thinking about something else.

Boundaries. Something I talk about often.

Last week, I was at an event and ran into a woman I knew was about to become a grandmother. I asked her, naturally and excitedly, how much longer she had until she officially became one.

She looked at me and said, “He’s one month old already, but I’m not allowed to post any photos on Facebook yet.”

And there it was. A brand-new baby. A brand-new grandmother. A story she was excited about but couldn’t tell. She wasn’t mad about it and completely respected the mother’s wish for holding off just yet.

Fast forward to today when I saw a surprise announcement from another woman I know. She had been pregnant for eight months — EIGHT MONTHS — and had intentionally kept it off social media.

In a world where we announce engagements before we’ve even called our parents, post vacation pictures while we’re still on vacation, and sometimes share our dinner before we’ve taken the first bite, she had managed to keep an entire pregnancy mostly to herself.

She also explained why. She is a keynote speaker in a male-dominated industry. She knew people might make assumptions about what pregnancy or motherhood would mean for her career.

Would she still travel? Would she be available for speaking engagements? Would she want to fly? Would she be ready to work after having the baby?

She didn’t want other people answering those questions for her. She wanted to answer them herself, and honestly? Good for her! I think sometimes we forget that privacy isn’t secrecy. There is a difference. Sometimes people keep things quiet because they are embarrassed or ashamed. But sometimes they keep things quiet because something is precious, personal, complicated, or simply not ours to know yet. Plus, I think new moms especially deserve that kind of grace.

Pregnancy and motherhood come with an unbelievable amount of unsolicited advice, opinions, expectations, and questions.

“Are you going to breastfeed?”

“Are you going back to work?”

“Who’s going to watch the baby?”

“When can I come see him?”

“Have you posted pictures yet?”

“Why haven’t you announced it?”

“Can I share this?”

“Can I tell my friends?”

“Can I post this picture?”

Here’s the answer we sometimes need to hear:

You don’t have to know.

Not everything needs to be announced.

Not everything needs to be explained.

Not everything needs to be posted.

And not every boundary needs a justification attached to it.

Maybe a new mom wants to share every moment of her pregnancy with the world.

Wonderful.

Maybe she wants to keep it private.

Wonderful.

Maybe she wants to post pictures of her baby immediately.

Wonderful.

Maybe she wants to wait until she’s six months postpartum.

Also wonderful.

Maybe she doesn’t want anyone posting pictures of her child at all, and that’s okay, too.

And if she says, “Please don’t post that,” the appropriate response isn’t, “But why?” It’s simply, “Of course.”

The same goes for grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends and everyone else who gets swept up in the excitement.

I know it can be hard. You are proud. You’re excited. You want to show the world this beautiful little person who has entered your family’s life.

But here’s the thing – you can be excited without being entitled to share. The baby’s parents get to decide what happens with their baby’s face, name, story and pictures. And sometimes the kindest thing we can do is put our phones down and let them have their moment.

There is something beautiful about realizing that a boundary isn’t a rejection.

It’s not someone saying, “I don’t trust you.”

It’s not someone saying, “You’re not important.”

Sometimes a boundary simply says:

“This is mine to decide.”

And I think we could all use a little more respect for that.

Especially new moms.

They are already learning how to care for a tiny human, recover from an enormous physical experience, navigate a completely different identity, figure out sleep deprivation and remember what day it is. They shouldn’t also have to manage everyone else’s feelings about the boundaries they’ve chosen.

So if you know a new mom, a new dad, an expecting couple, or anyone walking through a season where their life has suddenly become very personal and very public at the same time, give them some room.

Love. Give. Live.